Epic FAIL as Rome's Fiumicino Airport Flirts with Dangerous Overcrowding and Surly AF Staff
Our assessment is that overcrowding and stifling conditions not only compromise comfort but also risk endangering the safety of passengers
Rome, you have a problem. The pasta is still good and all that. But the airports are a hot lasagna mess.
For readers of this column, that’s bad news, because we used to recommend a stopover in Rome on the way to or from Athens. Rome FCO is, after all, a logical place to stop for a connecting flight when you’re starting out, say, at LAX and need to get to TLV, LCA (Larnaca, look it up), Athens, Malta, Lampedusa, Sicily, etc. But in mid-October we found the international terminal to be shamefully packed, woefully underventilated and frankly revolting on every level. Our recommendation is on hold…
Once a babe in the international transit hub woods, now just a stronza — oh, that’s the Italian word for bitch. That’s right. If travel is seldom fun anymore, using Rome’s airport is according to our recent experience a straight-up stronza of a time. Not fun.
Roma, Romans, what the hell happened to you? Unhappy with life and taking it out on the rest of us, huh? Nobody’s happy all the time, but y’all got some work to do.
European airports in general stink when it comes to ventilation. It’s understood that in a big airport terminal it isn’t always possible to just open a window, because that would require something called effort, but has anybody on this continent ever heard of air conditioning? In humid Italy, apparently not. Beyond primitive.
Guess who thrives on damp conditions and stagnant air? In addition to the latest covid germs, Bitch-Stronza mosquitos! Several times when I finally found a spot to park my tiredbutt, I found myself swatting away at West Nile-carrying bitch mosquitos — you’re entering Third World country here Italy, nothing to be proud of.
And how tragic is it that the country that produced Leonardo da Vinci, for whom Rome’s airport is named, can’t figure out how to design that most basic of structures, a proper airport terminal? This one ought to be at least as twice as big. There were so many people traipsing through, and so little air circulating that at times it was literally almost impossible to breathe. Gag me with a bad pizza.
Speaking of bad pizza — the Italian geniuses here decided to cram all the food emporia into the upper level — including a tiny hallway and an oversized, inanely named Eataly. Lines everywhere for mediocre overpriced food! Surly and or non-responsive staff! Maybe I already said that! I entered one part of the Eataly disaster, a supposedly fancycat sit-down part, in the hope that someone might at least grunt a pro forma “buongiorno” and show me a menu, but I didn’t even get that! I left.
There’s another place called the Sophia Loren restaurant, where I was treated so rudely it would make Sophia Loren bow her head down in shame. No wonder she moved to America. Apparently there is a "rule" that in order to be seated you have to enter in one area of the restaurant only — well guess what, it's a busy airport, it's not North Korea, it’s not against a law not to wait, and people are free to have a look first.
That's what I did, and besides there wasn’t any line outside, it wasn't crowded inside, and seeing as how a restaurant is generally meant to serve people food, I sat down at a table. Then a — danger, stronza alert — mean and nasty stronza saw me and instead of being a human being and offering me a greeting and menu, she practically tossed me out of the restaurant.
Because I had the f-ing audacity to take a seat unescorted!
Let’s be clear (as Ms. Harris says, but then never actually is): I had already found a table, something most adults are capable of doing, and after a 12 hour flight, even in business class (I won’t mention which airline, but the food stunk) I was, surprise! exhausted AF — even if not, must one really have to go outside the restaurant only to wait to come back in again? Romans, please go to New York for a week or two, visit some diners, see how things are done properly, take a few notes and come back.
The pizzas might be passable, btw. but that kind of miserable attitude is a disgrace. Symptomatic of management that doesn't know a thing about hospitality management or training. Sadly, I ran into this stronza-like attitude all over the Rome airport. Overcrowding got the staff down? Too bad. This was rude and condescending to the extreme. That employee should be fired — the management too.
Rome’s aeroporto patetico also needs a complete overhaul. Failure upon failure. It’s 2024 — why the hell should you have to take a shuttle bus, an overstuffed one at that, to get from your gate to your airplane for a connecting flight? You once built great aqueducts, Romans, ever heard of jetways? Look it up under: Airports, modern.
If an airport is this overcrowded in October, what about during the Christmas holidays? Perish the thought. Even now, it’s a disaster. You’ve got ridiculous shops selling AI-generated Hermes scarves and ugly Ferrari-branded jackets but not even a decent newsstand or eatery without a stupid name like Eataly attached to it.
What newsstands there are, like our Hudson News, look totally ransacked — drinks units that look war-pillaged, refrigerated sections that in any normal airport shop would be brimming with overpriced but decent sandwiches and snacks but here were always maybe a third full. Famine chic, anyone? Fanculo! Not even Pocket Coffee anymore?? (editor’s note: can someone get this guy some Pocket Coffee asap?)
They can’t even manage the bathrooms — half the time you have to go to the loo there’s someone cleaning it, so you have to hold your piss in or try to not lose your shit, literally, because they don’t have enough janitors, or maybe can’t manage to clean the places fast enough. Third World, Fourth World? Hell Italy, go for broke — you’ve turned your showcase airport into an off the charts shitverse that’s not at all suitable for modern travelers. We were the first to tell you to exercise other options.
So arrivederci to Roma Fiumicino — you have flunked every consumer experience test and you know what that means. Until further notice, You are now flyover country.
Traveler, you have been warned. 🔥😎
Now for the good news. You can fly to Greece this month WITHOUT having to stop in nasty Rome, and for only about $100. Here’s how.
SO TRUE. Milan is so much better.
The time has arrived to avoid Rome's Fiumicino Airport even if it means an alternative
routing. As far as the Sophia Loren Restaurant, the management should seriously consider
what the word "hospitality" means.