Want a free ticket to Mykonos? Read this first.
Also, the latest bodacious boltholes from TLV to the fabulous MYK
Must you follow the fashion of Kim Kardashian to know where it’s hip to stay? Not necessarily, but on the advice of some very senior pop culture authorities we’ve decided to commandeer Kim K’s iconic booty as a compass with which to point you to a series of posh boltholes around the world, starting with an atmospheric sliver of Tel Aviv called Jaffa and then a little island off the coast…
Tel Aviv-Yafo is a city that not even Kim Kardashian EAST could afford (the K-Wests once shopped for property here, fruitlessly) nowadays. You read a lot about tech unicorns that generate approximately zero excitement, but from the proper perch at the Setai you can see the offshore rock from which, thanks to an actual unicorn (yes), Perseus rescued Andromeda. The key to success in Tel Aviv is knowing precisely where to check in and being in no particular hurry to leave.
1. The Setai Tel Aviv. Despite the fact that Israel has basically been sealed off from tourists since the pandemic started boutique hotels in Tel Aviv have been popping up like Rihanna hits from the good old days of Good Girl Gone Bad. Many have been restorations, but none was rekindled as luminously from the shadows of history as the The Setai Tel Aviv, which back in the day was a big fat Turkish jailhouse and whose more famous hotel sister is of course The Setai Miami Beach. Speaking of sisters, if you’re a Kardashian chances are you’ll be traveling with a pack of them and that’s what makes The Setai the ideal perch in Tel Aviv: positioned where the Tel Aviv and Jaffa sea promenades converge, it functions like a fortified but supremely cosmopolitan compound and social command post.
It’s an architectural marvel and just really great, with just the right amount of modern tune-ups—not unlike Kim Kardashian West’s marvelous and all-natural (wink wink!) derrière. A rooftop infinity pool with views of the city skyline and Mediterranean only adds to the allure, and the staff is all-pro, roundly welcoming.
2. Jetting west we alight on Mykonos, which much as Tel Aviv is more or less a city-state in some country called Israel is now not only the summer mecca for billionaires and self-declared party people but more or a less a mini island republic off the coast of Greece. Already by July the inlets of Ornos and Psarou looked like parking lots for yachts-on-steroids so no, it isn’t too soon to start thinking of next season and sizzling addresses like Soho Roc House, on the site of the former San Giorgio and near the pseudo-cool Scorpios where apparently self-parking is not cool. Anyway, my only direct experience with Soho House is in Berlin, where the bill for one night’s debauchery (within reason) was bigger than Kim Kardashian’s butt, and that’s saying something. But, it was also worth it.
3. Book a villa at Mykonos Blu and you can get a free roundtrip ticket on Aegean Airlines from all major European cities (minimum stay applies). Wow, right? I’ll admit that even without a ticket Mykonos Blu is one of the top hotels in Mykonos, year after year—stylish and semi-secluded, close to the action of Chora if you want it, and consistent with all Grecotel properties, fantastic food that comes with flawless delivery, just like (wait for it!) Kardashian-West’s recent SNL monologue. Update: not clear if free ticket offer will be valid in 2022.
4. Destina Pacha Mykonos is new but is already winning plaudits for its 34 well-designed guestrooms, among which are six sea-view suites. Remember the Pacha club in Ibiza? Enough said. Spanish management, so there’s that (yeah, just went there—ever flown Vueling?) but it’s a state of mind. Also (reportedly) has a cabaret-style eatery where burlesque and gastro-innovation deliciously collide.
5. Kalesma Mykonos is not right on the beach, but the coast is never far on this pricey speck of an island and what’s more, the 25 rooms and two villas all come with private decks and pools that overlook the Aegean Sea. Not another generic Marriott/Autograph Collection/Hilton/Whatever thing, this place is proudly Greek-Jewish owned. Decor-wise the Kalesma team has pretty much nailed it, and there’s great Cycladic cooking too.
6. Now contrary to a recent, thinly-researched report in London’s Evening Standard, the only hotel/resort in Mykonos that actually has its own private beach—as in, a beach not physically connected to any other beach—is the Kardashian-kaliber Wild by Interni. They also have a truly great breakfast offering, plus two restaurants, a Greek taverna and Raw, each overlooking the sea. This happy and eclectic place also does an admirable job of “sealing and sanitizing” their rooms.
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