You probably don't want to book a hotel in Santorini on the basis of a review like this
Hyatt has a hotel Santorini that is actually called On the Rocks, but that said...
You’d have thought the pandemic would have put paid to things like “points and miles” bloggers, Gen Z organisms that flit from country to country for no other purpose than to say that they did and above all, hotels with silly names in places that need hotels like the Kardashians need to sign up for a narcissism workshop.
Enter On the Rocks, which if not exactly new does seem newish as it was just reviewed in that high digital temple of lowest-common-denominator travel, thePointsguy. Location: Imerovigli, halfway between busy Fira and well, also busy Oia. To be clear, those aren’t “rocks” around here, they’re cliffs, and some of the world’s most famous ones at that, affording views of the volcanic caldera. Let’s see how TPG wrangled it:
In the spirit of deconstruction for which Santorini is famous (after all, there used to be a lot more island here, way back when), let’s have a go here: “views that never cease to amaze” well come on, because you get the same views that amaze at gobs of other hotels on this archaeologically significant, geologically unique but also undeniably overdeveloped island. “Good overall points value for an aspirational luxury destination” well by golly, you should absolutely make “overall points value” the criterion by which you select your next vacation destination (so much for cultural discovery or authentic experiences) and “aspirational luxury destination” —um, is someone trying to sell us some condos here? Moving on to the…
Is SLH is now part of Hyatt btw? Who knows. But SMH because what, you thought you could plunk an aspirational luxury destination on top of a cliff and not expect there to be “countless stairs”? You want escalators? Santorini may be overtouristed but it’s not gotten quite to that point yet. Try Las Vegas or Dubai for that. And excusez-nous but “If you’re not on your honeymoon, you might feel like you’re part of others’ celebrations next door”? Does that mean the reviewer had to endure the sounds of fornication coming from the room next door because the walls were too thin? Then don’t hint at it, just say so. Maybe TPG is afraid of offending an advertiser? Anyway, how does that jibe with the good “overall points value”? Before you thin out your wallet to the tune of a “reasonably priced” rate of “$232 to $580 per night including breakfast” for one of On the Rocks’ 26 rooms, you should know if you can make it through the night without earplugs.
And: “Although it was pleasant enough for my solo trip, I will definitely bring my partner along next time so that we can experience it together.” Did anybody ask? Sheesh! Somebody tell these people that oversharing is really almost never a virtue.
So what do we have here? To read a middling review of an unexceptional if (arguably) well-located property, it seems that we have another case of an instant boutique hotel; adequately ticking the right boxes for a pricey, overvalued location. Here’s another little nugget: before the pandemic, there was talk around town of actually charging people admission to see the sunset in Oia—as a way to thin out the crowds which thanks to a toxic combination of Instagram and sheep-like humans (follow that herd!) were on the brink of destroying.
A jillion guidebooks and Instagram Stories might tell you that one town has gorgeous sunsets, but that does not mean that other towns that do not figure in a jillion guidebooks or that are less featured on Instagram Stories cannot boast equally or even more gorgeous sunsets. As for Santorini, should you even travel there when literally hundreds of other islands beckon? It’s been plastered on so many posters and social media posts it’s like you’ve already been there, done that. If you haven’t and are still contemplating a trip then for the gods’ sake you should stay somewhere not because of its “overall good points value”—frankly, barf—but because (here’s a concept) it’s truly exceptional.
#SMH