The $55,000 yacht trip...for just $65.50?
Want a little aquatic glamour? Move over Kim Kardashian, we've got a better boat idea
If you want to lose your lunch, consider the context of these photos of Kendall Jenner on a yacht in Ibiza. No, it’s not that the spoiled child-entity that is Ms. Jenner doesn’t look lovely in a straw hat and boy-scout green bikini (well…), it’s that do you have any idea how much it costs to charter a yacht for a few hours around the Ibiza shore? Go ahead & Google it, but we can tell you that the price is somewhere north of obscene.
Obviously ostentation is no sin, especially if you’re part of the Kardashian clan and all you really know is how to hammer tackiness into a cottage industry. Bless them! But there is a better way to experience a slice of the yachting life: ditch the yacht.
There are several reasons why. First, many of the celebrities who have a pathological fixation of posting generally unflattering pictures of themselves on Instagram rely on yacht crews and companies with offices in places like Miami and London and who don’t know any given area better than any other. They tend to know islands only in a generic, meandering sense, the way, say, that Kamala Harris knows about anything in-depth — except that she doesn’t. Just like you don’t really want a shallow president, you don’t really want a shallow boat crew that might know the sea just fine, but are lightweights when it comes to where it’s best to drop anchor.
The first indication that Yiannis and Niki, who helm the Ios Dream Boat, knew what they were doing came before we even left the little harbor for our five-hour tour around the southern coast of Ios. As our 11:00 AM departure time approached, a curious onlooker approached one of the crew members and asked, “What beaches do you go to?”
The lady proceeded to rattle off a number of beaches that she said she wanted to see, presumably having seen them written up on some website or on Instagram. How naive, though! First, it’s an island, so there are beaches, and they are all pretty much the same. Size varies. But above all, a boat makes stops at beaches as wind and weather conditions permit. What matters is not capsizing, not how good some tourist who knows nothing about anything thinks she is going to look in a Facebook post.
Obviously there are times when you do need to know which beach a boat is going to, and some island boats are very clear about this. For example, at the little port of Karavostasis in Folegandros, there are little boats that make trips solely to the beach of Katergo. There are similar summer boat runs in islands like Koufounisia in the Cyclades (recommended) and Symi in the Dodecanese (possibly recommended). Expect such single-destination boat trips to be reliable, but short and perfunctory.
Anyway, Niki’s response to the daft tourist was both polite and informative. As it happens the boat was already primed and ready to go, filled mostly with young Italians on holiday, plus an older couple from New Zealand and Greek Column.
As on most islands, there are some beaches you can’t get to by car or by foot. Some, such as Kolitsani on Ios, would be easier to get to on hoof, but if you’re not a goat or you’re not in super excellent shape, go by boat or forget it.
Again, a chartered yacht is only going to go to well-known beaches because most of the time the crew simply won’t know any better. For example, on Ios, the most famous beach is Magganari. It is actually possible to get there by car, but it’s a long drive from the port. In August the yachts pull up close to its trio of coves, which are nice. But the same yachts probably sail right past other, more obscure beaches along the way.
The Dream boat, which is new and sparkling clean, makes stops at three beaches, Magganari and Kolitsani included. The winds determine everything. First of all, if it’s too windy and it happens often on the Greek islands, you’re not going anywhere.
On our excursion, we first stopped at an unnamed beach for a swim, then Magganari. Personally, I would have preferred more time at Kolitsani , which though closest to the port was our last stop. There it felt a little rushed. But there were three opportunities to swim overall, and a fresh baguette sandwich lunch was included in the price along with cool fresh fruit and drinks.
We pulled back into port shortly after 4pm. I would have been happy to push that up to 5, even if it cost a little more. But crewing a boat is labor-intensive and as any yachtsman will tell you, fuel is expensive.
It is indeed relaxing and worthwhile to take a nautical approach to island beaches without having to fuss over hot and dusty walks to the beach or parking.
At 60€, or just over $65, this is a steal — to the extent that, if you want more time on uncrowded beaches and you have the time, just book another tour the following day.
That gives you another leg up on the Kardashian-Botox or Jeff Bezos-billionaire set. They gotta spend the night on their boats, with limited dining options, and usually in very confined quarters. And it costs them thousands of dollars for the questionable privilege of doing so. But on an island like Ios you will be serving yourself some Greek sea realness aboard the Dream Boat and then, before your possible encore, you cna get your luxe fix on land at a place like Bliss.
Any questions? No? Okay, class dismissed!🌊
